Pledge

Updated Sunday 15 May, 2011 12:18 PM

A California court not long ago ruled the "Pledge of Allegiance" unconstitutional because two words added in 1954 ("under God") violated constitutional separations of church and state. As one who has always found the pledge a piece of empty headed and fatuous nonsense that Americans are far to prone to repeat endlessly--as though saying it once is like an innoculation that needs to be repeated--I tried to imagine a world where it was not quite as enthusiastically received. Every named person in this story is an historical figure.

PLEDGE

by Thomas Wm. Hamilton

One of the special telephones rang. The Director picked it up and growled "What?"

"Number 79. The bill will be passed tomorrow, and reach the President's desk within two more days."

The Director said, "Acknowledge," and hung up. The special phone line would remain active for this source. Next the Director pushed a button on his desk. His top aide (and roommate) entered.

"Clyde, the bill will pass tomorrow. Every member of Congress who votes for this socialist crap is to be rounded up. Wait four days after passage--that would be next Tuesday, make it 2:17 pm--to give the President enough time to sign it. If the President does sign, he will be included in the mass arrest with Congress. Secretary of State Hughes will be placed in protective custody while assuming the powers of the President. Of course, if the President vetoes the bill, he will be in protective custody, since the reds in Congress and their supporters outside it will probably try to overthrow him."

Clyde Tolson said, "We'll have four special agents assigned for each member of Congress. The President is a special case, since the Secret Service personnel guarding him may try to resist. However, we have plans for that eventuality also."

"You're a good man, Clyde," J. Edgar Hoover told him.

As predicted, the next day the House of Representatives voted on the bill to establish the Pledge of Allegiance as a legal oath recognized by the federal government. In the debate leading up to the vote, a former agent of Hoover's Bureau of Investigation, elected from a district in Utah, argued forcefully against the draft pledge, pointing to its origins as evidence of its nefarious nature. "Who is the author of this so-called pledge of allegiance? Francis Bellamy. And who is Francis Bellamy? At one point he was a Baptist minister, which certainly sounds respectable enough. But Bellamy was defrocked, thrown out of his church. It seems he invented for himself a new theology, which he called Christian Socialist. The socialist part was simply acknowledging his family heritage, because his first cousin, Edward Bellamy, was the author of the notorious pro-socialist novel 'Looking Backward'. This pledge is just an attempt to divert Americans' first loyalty away from the Constitution which simultaneously frees and unites us all, to a piece of cloth which is easily changed, and has been often changed, every time we have added a new state. And despite Bellamy having been a clergyman, notice that this so-called pledge makes no reference to God. Mark my words, once the Socialists divert our loyalty to the flag, they will begin worming away at the flag. Soon our flag will show not 48 stars, but 48 shovels, or coal scuttles, or plows, or some other socialistic device. Mr.Speaker, I see my time is up, but I warn, this is the first step in the overthrow of our free Republic!"

Hoover, sitting in the distinguished visitor gallery, applauded vigorously. It was not enough, and the bill passed the House that day, the Senate the next day.

On schedule, the members of Congress who voted for the pledge were rounded up and charged with treason. The Utah member who had spoken so forcefully against it became the Acting Speaker. With the Vice Presidency vacant, Secretary of State Charles Evans Hughes was titular President. but it was made clear to him the first day that he was answerable to Hoover and would serve as President only as long as Hoover was satisfied. A purge of churches began, to clean out socialistic infiltrators. Clyde Tollson became the new Secretary of State, and quickly made obvious American support for the new Mussolini regime in Rome. Hughes died of what was reported to be pneumonia. Tollson became President. Shortly thereafter Hoover intoduced the new identity cards all Americans were required to carry. The Progressive Party was declared treasonous. Within another year, so were the Democratic and Republican Parties. (This step was not even bothered with for the Communist and Socialist Parties, whose members simply vanished.) America was at last safe from internal threats, in Hoover's expert judgment.