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Cowboy Dick shoots his Last
Movie by Steve Payne
 Author
says: what if Dick Cheney was an even more fake cowboy? Please note that
the opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of
the author(s).
In 2003, ageing fake Cowboy
actor Richard B. Cheney began filming his final movie "The Bush Brothers
Ride Again" in his native town of Jackson, Wyoming.
A long but controversial career spanning forty years
featured a few superficial similiarities to his character of "Cowboy Dick",
especially the heavy drinking. Because in November 1962, at the age of
twenty-one, Cheney was convicted of driving while intoxicated (DWI). He was
arrested for DWI again the following year. Cheney said that the arrests made
him "think about where I was and where I was headed. I was headed down a bad
road if I continued on that course".
 In
fact Cheney had been born in Lincoln, Nebraska and his father was a
government employee who moved the family to the blue-collar town of Casper
in the 1930s.
And his raspy Marlboro Man tone was created by smoking three packets of
cigarettes until a heart attack at the age of thirty-seven necessitated some
moderation.
But despite the belligerent (and often premptive attacks) on neighboroughing
farmsteads, Cheney had no combat background, claiming that he had "other
priorities in the sixties than military service".
 He
claimed to have received deferments to finish a college career that lasted
six years rather than four, owing to sub par academic performance and the
need to work to pay for his education. Initially, he was not called up
because the Selective Service System was only taking older men. When he
became eligible for the draft, he applied for four deferments in sequence.
He applied for his fifth exemption on January 19, 1966, when his wife was
about 10 weeks pregnant. He was granted 3-A status, the "hardship"
exemption, which excluded men with children or dependent parents. In January
1967, Cheney turned 26 and was no longer eligible for the draft.
In fact Cowboy Dick did like to shoot, but at helpless small birds such as
quails. Ironically, his acting reputation was ruined by an incident when he
actually did finally shoot someone. Because on February 11, 2006, Cheney
accidentally shot Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old Texas attorney, in the
face, neck, and upper torso with birdshot pellets when he turned to shoot a
quail while hunting on a southern Texas ranch, an incident ridiculed in the
national press (pictured).
Fortunately for all concerned, health issues prevented Cowby Dick from
following in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan or Arnold Schwarzneggar by
progressing from a series of bad movies into acting out an arch-conservative
political career.
Author
says content has been repurposed from the source articles in Dick: The
Man Who is President (Dick Cheney) by John Nichols (2004) and
Wikipedia.
To view guest historian's comments on this post please visit the
Today in Alternate History web site.
Steve Payne, Editor of
Today in Alternate History, a Daily
Updating Blog of Important Events In History That Never Occurred Today.
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Imagine what would be, if history had occurred a bit
differently. Who says it didn't, somewhere? These fictional news items
explore that possibility. Possibilities such as America becoming a Marxist
superpower, aliens influencing human history in the 18th century and Teddy
Roosevelt winning his 3rd term as president abound in this interesting
fictional blog.
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